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On March 6th, 2025, a former friend of mine recommended that I read this book upon me questioning the patriarchal circumstances concerning femdom and if I should be concerned about them. She said it was a good read for developing an understanding regarding it, as it was written at a time where the sexual revolution relating to those sorts of things (S&M, BDSM, D&S etc.) was just beginning, and allows you to see the viewpoint of one during that time.
Upon looking up the book online, I saw that it only had 2.8 stars on Goodreads due to the author’s “puritan” standpoints and point of view of things leaking into the study and the text, giving it a more biased view. It overall took me a long time to finish this book, as, while the anecdotes and him getting disgusted or mad at certain things the people writing to him were doing (as seen by specific wording) were interesting, it felt like the same things were happening in a loop up until chapter 8. Don’t get me wrong, I did like the book, it’s just that he does talk on and on about these couples who I don’t really care about and their rather freaky and obscure fetishistic activities (that are very tame for this time, if Leigh were still alive — I think he is dead but I can’t say for certain as he is hardly as active at all — he’d likely be disgusted by what he sees) for a bit more than I would like to read, as that is not what I came here for. I do not care about dungeon S&M mutilation activities, that’s some stuff I try not to linger on or burden my thoughts with the imagery of.
The femdom related sections only took up a small number of space within the book, and it mostly focused on how much he hated spouse swapping, which does seem aligned for the time he was in, seeing the way old swingers who were alive then are now (SUPER into swapping). However, the chapter on homosexuals as well as further on, the exploitation within these pairs as well as concerning children, were thought-invoking to me.
Relating to notes, I wrote the following:
[”It’s a bit jarring to me how he uses more formal or “scientific” language, so as to seem less lewd or obscene, yet now in the modern day, due to my exposure to such things, I now consider him using the language to be more shocking and inappropriate compared with saying slang. I guess this is due to the fact that he invites you to fill the gaps.
This book is actually much more progressive than I thought it would be about lesbians, bisexuals and gay related stuff. It does not put lesbian or gay in a group category of homosexuality, and has dedicated chapters for each. In both cases, he highlights the issue gay and lesbian people share and write/lament about to him, with the more outspoken homosexuals in their groups being more inappropriate and hypersexual to their shame-ridden and not public counterparts, which caused a rift in the community during that time.
I am now divided seeing this in a modern lens and knowing what I know now as a person in the 21st century; on one hand I feel like banning pornography would be beneficial now, seeing how everything is, and the widespread exploitation that was just beginning back when this book was written. But I also feel it was more dangerous then compared to now, due to the general public’s ignorance to all these activities that went on in these private rings, as well as the lack of resources for people (incest outlawing, court cases and ethical issues being called into question, groups to help people being trafficked/women being abused by their husbands or people in power, legal homosexual acceptance and awareness…etc..)
I kind of agree with his view on how this was contributing to delinquency during that time, but not really… although it is definitely doing so now, seeing how the media is.”]